


hoping it will get better will only cause me more pain

by stileshalestilinski (ThisIsOnYouPrincess)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 06:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2538095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsOnYouPrincess/pseuds/stileshalestilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes two hearts just don't love the same</p>
            </blockquote>





	hoping it will get better will only cause me more pain

“What the _actual fuck_ did you drag me out to meet you at this time for?” Derek asked, gesturing to the clock on Stiles’ dashboard, reading 02:29. His tone was harsh, but the gleam in his eye was playful and a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips as he glanced over at his boyfriend.  
“Derek, we need to talk.” Stiles told him solemnly.  
“What about?” Derek asked, his playful mood dropping instantly. “Stiles. What’s happened? What is so bad that you pulled me out of bed at 2 in the morning to talk about it?” Stiles pushed his forehead against the steering wheel, and Derek reached out to touch his shoulder. “You- you know I’m always here for you. Don’t you?”  
“Derek. I’m breaking up with you.” Derek’s hand fell away from Stiles' shoulder as if he’d been burnt.  
“No. What’ve I done?” Derek asked. “I swear to God, Stiles, I’ll fix it.”  
“It’s not you, it’s-“  
“If you finish that sentence I’m going to have to throw you out of the window, Stiles.” Derek growled.  
“It’s true, Der. I’m sick, and there’s no denying that. And-and we can’t keep going on like this. I’m going to get worse, and you’re going to stay the same. And it-it’s not right, Derek, it’s not right leading you on like this.”  
“You’re not leading me on!” Derek protested.  
“Really? I’m dating you, sleeping with you, falling for you - and allowing you to fall for me - knowing that we’re never going to go anywhere. That sounds to me like pretty much the dictionary definition of ‘Leading on’, Der.”  
“We can make it work.” Derek told him. Stiles shook his head.  
“We can’t, Derek. I won’t have the same done to you as what happened to my father and I when my mom was ill. I can’t do it to you.”  
“No matter what it is, if you love me, we can sort it out, Stiles.” Stiles shook his head vehemently.  
“What if I don’t love you?” Stiles asked, eyes fixed on the window behind Derek’s face.  
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, Stiles.” Derek shouted, eyes narrowing as he studied the younger boy. Stiles flinched under his gaze, but anger flared in his eyes.  
“That’s pretty fucking difficult to do when you can tell when I’m lying, Derek!” Stiles ran a frustrated hand over his face. “Please, trust me on this one. Just… just go, Der.”  
“You still love me? We can make it work.”  
“Of course I love you. Of course I do! How couldn’t I? It’s because I love you that I’m letting you go! My dad, my dad’s too close, he’s gonna be hurt anyway, but you? You can get away, Derek, before anything really bad happens. I watched this happen to my mom. Did you forget that? I know what it’s like, Derek. And it’s not pretty. And I-I want you to have good memories of me to tell your grandkids, not ones of the sickly kid who could barely get downstairs alone! Let me go, before we’re both irreparable, _please_.”  
“No, Stiles.” Derek rubbed his face, shaking his head. "No. I'm not going to abandon you when you need me."  
 _“Are you that much of a masochist?”_ Stiles demanded. “Do you really want to be hurt that much? Derek, you will watch me lose the ability to do anything. It won't be abandonment, because I'm giving you the chance to get out. I want you to get out now. Please? For my sake and yours?"  
"I'm too selfish for that, Stiles." Derek shook his head.  
"Selfish is one thing you're not, Derek. So stop it. Stop playing noble and _get out_."  
"I'm not leaving!"  
"FINE, Derek. You want to know what you'll experience before going in then, yeah? Okay. You will watch me slowly stop functioning. I'll forget you, my dad, Scott, _everyone._ I won't remember any of you. Do you understand that? _I won't be able to do anything at all._ ”  
“I’ll be there to do it for you!”  
“No, no, Der. You won’t.” Stiles said softly. “And you shouldn’t have to be. I’ll have my dad and I’ll have Scott. I want to minimise the impacts. If you stay, there'll be a day when I'll look into your eyes and see a stranger. Do you understand that?" Derek nodded. "And that'll hurt like hell, we can tell ourselves that I love you too much for that all we want, but we need to face the facts, no love on earth could conquer this disease. Nothing on earth could conquer this disease. We can tell ourselves that our love is special, but what does that say about a mother-son bond. My mom didn't even remember my name or face in the end! If she had that with her own flesh and blood, her own son; what're we going to have?" Stiles' eyes were more pained than Derek had ever seen them. "What're you going to do when you have to explain to me again and again who you are?" Derek's eyes watered, but his head remained defiantly high.   
"I'll remind you every minute of every day if I have to." He tells him honestly.   
"And when I forget myself? What're you going to do if I don't even know who _I_ am?"   
"I'll tell you who you are! I'll explain your whole lifestory to you as many times as you need me to, if you want, Stiles." Stiles shook his head.   
"If you get out now, you’ll be able to save yourself.” Derek opened his mouth to protest but Stiles’ eyes watered. “Please, Derek. I can’t save myself; let me save you.” The tears in Derek’s eyes spilled over.  
“You stupid… stupid… _human_ , Stiles.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “You can’t save me, not in the sense that you mean, Stiles. It passed too late ages ago.”  
“That would have been more romantic if you said the moment you first saw me.” Stiles pointed out tearfully, trying to make light of a terribly morbid conversation.  
“It was romantic anyway, you ungrateful bastard.” Derek coughed. “The first time I saw you, I thought you were an annoying fucking idiot. I guess my judge of character is spot on.” Stiles made a face and Derek laughed. “So to get back on topic, no. I’m not leaving you, Stiles. Not now, not ever.”  
“I-I can’t do this to you, Derek.”  
“You’re not doing it to me. I am.” Derek said softly, pushing Stiles’ hair back. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I love you, okay? No matter what you do, no matter what you say, I’ll always love you. Face it, Stiles. So stop being a sourwolf and enjoy it, yeah?” Stiles made a face.  
“You know they say that lovers eventually become like each other?” He laughed and Derek shook his head.  
“Idiot. Stiles Stilinski. You’re a complete idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics in title/summary are from 'Maybe it's better this way' by Kai.  
> There you go.  
> It's my first Sterek fanfic, so it's probably really OOC until I get used to writing this way.  
> So yeah, I'm sorry.  
> Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
